I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
