oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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