I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
