Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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