I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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