David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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