i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
