Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Randomize
