She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
