If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
