he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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