girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
