Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
