he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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