Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My feet surprised me
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
