apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize