You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize