oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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