I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
