when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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