quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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