I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
operation have a gay friend backfired
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
