I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
