You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
