I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
