I love black thongs
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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