Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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