he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Nobody cheats on THIS.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
