God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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