I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
