I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
