NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
