I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
