Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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