I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
