I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
