Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We left the knife in your bed.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
