My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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