I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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