i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
