after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
