Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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