swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
