I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
