Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
