i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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