I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
