PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
