just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
