first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
