Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
A+ Viking dick
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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