I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
