i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize