My pussy is not your playground.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
