'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
