I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
