somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
