im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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