dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
