i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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