the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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