i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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