She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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