The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
