Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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