I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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